It is easy to get caught up in everything we have to do every day. Our lives can be filled with urgent tasks, or if not urgent at least requiring completion by a certain time. When we get bogged down, we tend to allow courtesies to fall by the wayside. We become brusque, and often (if we're truly honest with ourselves) downright rude. We also have a tendency towards nastiness when confronted with that which makes us uncomfortable, or when dealing with people we see as "not like us".
The natural reaction to the outside world for a lot of people is one of protectiveness or hostility. Suspicion and wariness make us unkind to the people around us. It makes the world a less pleasant place to be in for everyone. Hostility feeds hostility. Rudeness leads to more rudeness. All of this, in turn, feeds the original suspicion and wariness. It becomes a feedback loop that justifies itself.
Being kind to the people around us doesn't take much more of our time. I won't lie and say it doesn't take any time, it does. However, the rewards that come from it, both tangible and intangible, more than make up for the small amount of time it adds to various activities. Being kind to -all- the people around us is one of the few things we can do for selfish reasons that still makes the world a better place, and makes things more pleasant in general.
Some people might feel that the act of kindness becomes tainted if there's a selfish motivation lurking in the heart of the person who is being kind. They only want people to be kind if it doesn't benefit them personally in any way. That makes the act "more pure" to them. Better, or more good, or more worthy, or whatever positive connotation they put on it. The corollary to that, of course, is that when someone does something kind and they gain some benefit from it, as well, the kindness is not really kind. It's actually bad, or hurtful in some cosmic way.
I can't agree with that assessment. I don't care why someone holds open a door when I'm wrestling with heavy packages. The reason lurking in their heart doesn't change the fact that it made my life easier at that moment. They recognized me as a human who had a need, and it was a need they could do something about, and they stepped outside of their own brains long enough to help. I don't care if they did it because they wanted to see my bum as I walked by, or because they felt some guilt or sense of obligation. The effect to me isn't changed. So I accept it for what it is, an act of kindness that makes something in my life go a little better than it might otherwise have gone.
Likewise, I now make more of an effort to see outside my own head. I look for opportunities to be kind to the people around me. I try to see them as individuals, not masses of bodies to be gotten around so I can get on with my tasks. I hold doors open for people. I let people with fewer items go ahead of me in line. I slow down and let people pull out in front of me in traffic during the morning and evening rush hours (and at other times, as well). Those are anonymous bits we can all do that help, but I try to go further with it.
I've been working in offices for most of my adult life. Offices can be magical places. The wastebaskets get emptied invisibly. The carpets magically vacuumed themselves. The bathrooms were nearly always pristine, despite the rather yucky things people do in them every day. For the longest time I didn't bother about the people who did these things every day. But when I embarked on my attempt to be a kinder person, I started trying to pay attention to those people around me. The ones who make my life easier as part of their job, and who, more likely than not, are pretty much invisible to the people they're working around.
I look up and smile at them when they come in to get my waste basket, and I thank them for taking it away. I meet their eye and ask how they're doing. Whenever we get a new one assigned to our building, I find out what their name is, and spend some time asking about their lives. I make sure they get invited to our small office holiday gatherings, or at least I save them some of the treats from pot lucks.
On the whole I don't think it makes much of a difference in operations for me. My waste basket is no more clean than it was before I started learning about the people who empty it for me. But I feel better knowing the people who are around me, acknowledging their work, and seeing them as humans with lives that matter to them just as much as my own life matters to me. I like to think that maybe they might get a little bit of respite when they come to my cubicle. Or at least they're not thinking "oh that person hates me, I hate doing their waste basket". The day is a little better for both of us because of this.
Does it matter in the long run? I think it does. I don't just see our janitorial staff. I see clerks in stores, and I hear the people on the customer service line, and I make a conscious effort to think of them as people, not tools. When I am kind them, not only do I feel better for myself, but maybe I make their day a little better. And maybe they go on to make someone else's day a little better.
Sometimes I get surprised by someone I've been kind to. They manage to make something possible for me that wouldn't have been possible if not for my kindness. Suddenly the seat between my husband and I remains empty for a flight until the absolute last moment. Or I get to hear about a special discount that I clearly missed when I was going through the aisles. Or they bend the rules a little bit for me, because it actually makes sense in my situation, and because I was kind instead of yelling at them, it was possible for them to consider creative alternatives, rather than retreating into the letter of the rules.
These benefits are tangible and make it easier for me to be kind the next time, but the primary intangible benefit is that I'm a much nicer person than I used to be. I am more able to put myself in the shoes of the people around me. I am more likely to grant someone the benefit of the doubt than to decide they're just being jerks, because my own attitude overall is better. I spend less time irritated or frothing with ire (I do, too!). My phone conversations are less tense.
Of course I'm not some serene zombie with a smile constantly on her face no matter how other people behave towards her. I just tend to spend more time being open to the possibility of being kind than I used to be. As a result, I see a lot more kindness than I used to.
Though, really, I suppose the shorter version of this long-winded post is this:
"You must be the change you want to see in the world." --Mahatma Gandhi
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