Life is full of possibilities. Even as we mature, there are always new things we can try, or adventures we can explore. There are many examples throughout history of people who have changed the course of their life at one point or another, and gone down a very different path than the one they originally intended.
Yet, at the same time, things that were once possible gradually become less so, until they are effectively impossible given our current state (financial, physical, or emotional). It can be hard to face the reality that this thing we wanted so much, and for so long, simply isn't going to be possible. We cling to the ever-shrinking-but-not-quite-disappearing hope that we'll still be able to attain our dream (whatever it might be), and will find great happiness when that comes to pass.
This act of clinging to a diminishing chance of fulfilling a particular desire often results in regret, or a focus on what could be, or what we want to be, instead of what is. We can get so intent on wishing for this thing to pass that we don't pay attention to all the wonderful things in front of us. Or worse, we focus so much on it and our hopes for its ability to improve our lot in life that we completely miss chances that already exist for improving things ourselves.
When our desire changes from a hopeful dream to a source of galling pain, and when the realistic possibility of us fulfilling that dream in the way we envisioned has gotten so small that we're hoping for a miracle to "save us", then it is time to let go of this possibility. It needs to be laid to rest, and the power it has over our lives needs to be broken. It is no longer a source of energy that fuels our actions and helps us attain our goals. It becomes a great weight around our necks, that makes every day more of a slog than a joy, or a little demon that follows behind and jabs us sharply when we least expect, so that the pleasure is sucked out of our lives in a moment.
The process of letting go can be complicated, and of course the best course of action is highly individual. It should always start with a careful, realistic inventory of the problem, and all possible means by which the problem might be solved, including ones you may have once dismissed. Look at it from all angles, brain-storm, talk to people who have been in similar situations and look at the solutions they pursued. Seriously consider what might be possible for you. Perhaps the precise dream you wanted isn't possible but some variant of it would be? For instance, you wanted a log cabin in the woods, but perhaps you could settle for a stick-built home with pine slat interiors that make the whole house seem like it's a cabin?
If a careful examination doesn't reveal any new possible avenues for you to pursue, or new flavors for seeing your dream come true, then it really is time to let go of it. Exactly how you do this will vary from person to person, temperament to temperament. It isn't always easy, and it usually involves determined and conscious effort on your part, but it can be done. Some people will need to go through a grieving process before they reach acceptance of their situation. Some people will be able to simply guide themselves to a new way of looking at their life, and every time the old way pops up, they just gently herd their thoughts away.
It often helps to find something else to try out for a while. Don't expect it to be a perfect replacement for the well-worn dream you've been clothed in for so long. It won't be. But it's a start. Look into new hobbies or volunteer opportunities. Things that bring you into contact with people who have other sorts of dreams and other sorts of goals can help open you up to the myriad possibilities that might work for you. Reading about what others have done, or thought, or felt, can help. Expose yourself to other ideas about how a life can turn out, and you might just surprise yourself.
It's important to remain open to possibilities. Don't just cling to one view of how you wanted your life to be, and opine interminably for that. Not only is it painful and unhealthy for you, but it closes your eyes to opportunities that would be equally fulfilling for you. Look around, there are millions of ways of being who you are without opining for things that can never be.
For some people it takes time to become realistic in their dreams. Dreams should be placed where they belong, in that haze that surrounds it, but when these dreams become a possibility they also must be placed within reality. No after weighing 500 pounds it is outside the realm of possibility to look like those lettuce shaped photo models. But would you really really want that?
ReplyDeleteI myself have changed my life, in such a way that my life will never be the same. My perception of the world has changed and the world looks differently at me. But I've been realistic, because some people will dislike me for my choice, some will ridicule me, and that's why I have focussed on a possibility that embraces that. I chose for my happiness, and the love of those that do understand me.
If you have a dream, and you know for certain that this dream is a possibility which will make you happy, do keep pursuing, but be realistic, limit the scope to whats attainable.
See, that's my point. Be realistic. Don't stop reaching, don't stop trying, but be -realistic- about what is possible. For you, your change is entirely possible, so of course you keep striving and while it does cause you some pain, you have the joy of realizing it.
ReplyDeleteI'm speaking about the situation where the dream really is no longer realistically possible, and still clinging to it causes great pain on nearly a daily basis. That sort of dream, it's time to let go.